I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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