dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
