fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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