Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His hands were made for my vagina.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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