I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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