Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
