So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
