Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
