He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
