tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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