Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
