its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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