I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
