Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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