All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
