is your mom at the bar?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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