He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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