dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
