I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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