I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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