So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
