At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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