the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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