HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
