my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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