life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
