we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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