There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
