the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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