I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
