if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
