Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I seem to have left my pride at pride
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
