I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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