just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
