i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
