She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
