I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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