flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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