Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
