I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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