I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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