just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
