My room smells like vodka and shame
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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