all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
