I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
