so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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