So drunk its hurt
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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