I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
