imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The ass gains better be worth it
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