R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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