If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
