why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
