I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
