Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
