Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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