I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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