mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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